


i am waiting here for you

by reagancrew



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: (just a bit), Blood, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, and all of the stumbles that come with building a family, and fear, plot?, this is about emotion y'all, what plot?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 11:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13145721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reagancrew/pseuds/reagancrew
Summary: Lena's trying to do what's best for everybody, except herself. Kara's got all the time in the world for love. Alex doesn't give anyone the shovel talk, but she does offer food. And Jess is the best.ORDoubting days happen infrequently, but they still exist, and when they do, Lena just needs a little extra love.





	i am waiting here for you

**Author's Note:**

> // _many are the days i've wanted to cease, lay myself down and find some relief. heavy is the head that gets no sleep. we carry our lives around in our memories_ // the oh hellos

“Lena, please,” she isn’t begging, but her voice isn’t quite steady. “We talked about this. You promised you’d be there for Maggie’s ceremony today.” 

“Honestly, Kara,” she slams her coffee cup down on the countertop hard enough for the hot liquid to slosh over the sides and spill across the marble. She’s facing the fridge, away from her girlfriend, but she can hear the frustration in her partner’s voice, practically feel the disappoint oozing its way across the kitchen. “I know this is important. I do. But with the merger with Vicon coming up next week, I simply can’t get away from the office this afternoon.” She grabs the dish towel hanging from the stove and begins wiping up her mess, her face flushed. 

“Lena, I-“

She doesn’t have time for this: a quick glance at the clock shows that it’s nearly 7:30. She had meant to be in the office by 7 this morning to begin checking the eastern markets. “Kara. Please. You can be as disappointed in me as you want later. For now, I simply have to go.” She spins around, half-full cup back in hand. 

Kara is staring at her, jaw clenched, arms down at her sides with her fingers twisting in the hem of her sweater. “You promised you’d be there,” she manages, voice low now. 

Lena could sigh here, apologize, kiss Kara’s cheek just on the edge of her mouth and promise to make it up to her and Maggie. But her phone is buzzing in her pocket, emails from Jess coming through, and her coffee is lukewarm, her head pounding after the nightmare the night before: Kara burning in front of her while Lillian and Lex, both long dead, took Lena’s hands in their own and laughed and laughed and laugh--she doesn’t have time for this. 

Her steps are sharp crossing the kitchen, and she’s swinging her bag over her shoulder, pulling her phone from her pocket, head down and focused on the task at hand - the work at hand. “You and I both know Maggie won’t miss me. She’ll show off the medal at dinner tomorrow night, and I’ll congratulate her then.” Lena isn’t looking at Kara, so she doesn’t see the way her partner’s fingers relax against her sides or the how the crease in her forehead smoothes out. “It doesn’t matter to her either way. She’ll have everyone there to celebrate her.” Lena double checks that she has her iPad from the day before in her bag, and pulls open the door, glancing back over her shoulder.

Kara is staring at the floor rather than Lena, focused on something beyond the hardwood, and Lena isn’t sure if she’s even heard her. 

“Kara-“ At the sound of her name, she snaps her neck up to look at Lena, and although she doesn’t smile, she nods gently and doesn’t argue anymore.

“Maggie won’t care,” Lena promises again. “She’ll have all of you.” You being Kara and James, Winn, J’onn, Alex, Eliza, Maggie’s friends from the precinct. Everyone. Lena won’t even be a missed afterthought. Her stomach clenches, but she holds Kara’s gaze, “I’ll apologize later; she won’t even notice I’m not there. I promise.” She’s frustrated, her words sharp and short, and she’s not sure if she’s working to convince Kara or asking her to fight back.

Kara’s expression doesn’t change, but she steps forward, arms coming up. Lena’s phone buzzes and she glances at it angry, her heart still beating heavy in her chest, and her stomach rolling. “I have to go,” she’s slipping out the door before Kara can catch her. “I’ll be home late; don’t wait up.”

The door closes on Kara, and although she could catch it if she wants to, catch up to Lena in an instant, she lets it shut with a firm thud. Lena doesn’t pause until she’s in the elevator and the doors are closed, her hand at her head and her phone back in her bag. “She won’t care,” she says again, firmly. “She’ll have everyone important there.” There’s no answer from the empty elevator, and she drops her arms to her sides, squares her shoulders, tries not to think about Kara’s outstretched arms, her mouth opening to offer something - forgiveness, love, affection? - when Lena certainly didn’t deserve it. She simply doesn’t have the time. Her phone buzzes again, and “Yes, Jess. I’m on my way.” 

//

The door slips closed, and Kara is left with Lena’s shaking voice in her ears, her thumping heart, the smell of her perfume - lavender and honey - and a hint of sweat left over from the nightmare Lena had last night. 

She’s frowning, unsure. She knows there had been a nightmare; close to 3, she’d rolled over and Lena had been gone, a thin strip of light showing from under the bathroom door. Kara had used her super hearing, just to check, just in case, and had heard Lena’s frantic breathing, her whispered, “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” She’d lain awake for over an hour, waiting, and when Lena had slid back into bed, a glass of water set on the bedside table beside her, her whole body tight, Kara had slipped a hand over Lena’s waist, traced a single circle on her hip, pressed a kiss to her neck and waited for Lena to drift back into sleep. Lena never wanted words after a nightmare, and it had taken months before she’d crept back to bed on such nights, almost a year before she’d let Kara hold her afterwards.

She’d been tense when she’d woken up this morning still, the dark circles under her eyes expertly covered before she’d left the bedroom, but now this - this fight? Kara wasn’t sure it had been a fight, more of a firm rejection that Kara hadn’t been able to get a word in edgewise against. She bites her lip, frowning now in a way she hadn’t let herself in front of Lena. She’s not angry, or even disappointed; but she is worried. She spins towards the bedroom, retrieves her phone, and is dialing within seconds after Lena’s left the apartment. 

“Alex, it’s me. I need a favor.” 

//

Lena has had three meetings and a conference call, and it isn’t even one o’clock yet. The Vicon merger is necessary, but it’s always stressful; people will have to be laid off, families will be upended. Still, she’s thankful for the never ending stream of work, because now that she’s back at her desk, in the quiet of her office, alone and unwatched, her mind slips back to the night before, to Lex and Lillian, and Kara, always Kara burning and burning and burning… 

When Jess knocks before pushing into her office, Lena has just downed three aspirin, her fingers shaking as she tried to open the pill bottle for a minute straight. 

“Agent Danvers is here for you,” Jess’ voice is softer than normal, her eyes trained somewhere over Lena’s head as she waits for Lena to collect herself at her desk. 

“Jess, I - “

“She’s brought lunch, Ms. Luthor,” Jess interrupts, her eyes still focused elsewhere, her tone entirely professional. 

Lena sighs. Jess interrupts her for only two things: a deadly emergency or the few times she’s felt Lena has been taking such poor care of herself that it requires her assistant’s personal attention before she accidentally keels over. As Lena hasn’t heard from Supergirl at all since their argument this morning, she assumes it’s the latter, and she frowns, struggling to assume her cool facade in order to calm her altogether too helpful assistant. 

“I’m alright, Jess,” she attempts to reassure, her tone quieter than it’s been all morning, fierce in front of Vicon’s lawyers and her own CFO. 

“Yes, Ms. Luthor,” Jess tilts her head and finally meets Lena’s gaze. “I’ll show Agent Danvers in?” It’s the exact opposite of agreement. 

“Please,” Lena murmurs, and she stands to come around from behind her desk as Alex moves past Jess, squeezing the assistant’s shoulder with an open friendliness Lena aches at. She and Alex get along, but she’s almost never been alone with Kara’s older sister, and whenever they are, Alex stares at her with an unnerving glare until Lena excuses herself for something in another room. 

“Alex,” she greets, face relaxed, but her posture stiff. “Thank you, Jess.” The door shuts on the two of them with a whisper. “I assume this is about Maggie’s ceremony later,” a quick glance at her watch shows that it is due to begin in a little under two hours, and she wonders just how disappointed Kara must have been to call her sister in on this. 

“You assume incorrectly, Luthor.” Alex is standing at ease, a bag of takeout in her left hand. 

Lena tries not to flinch at the word, but a flash from her dream the night before comes back to her, “Luthor’s have always wanted to watch the world burn,” Lex had said, before he’d lit the match, and Kara started scream--No. Lena smoothes a hand over her dress, puts on the smile she reserves for new investors and potential business partners: all hidden edges and sharp points. “Well, then,” she tries again. “What can I do for you? I’ve got a meeting in fifteen minutes, and I’m afraid I wasn’t expecting you, Agent Danvers.”

Alex scoffs, her forehead creased as she looks Lena up and down. “Don’t give me that shit, Luthor,” and Lena can’t help the shiver that runs down her spine. Alex never calls her anything but Luthor, but it hurts today in a way it hasn’t in awhile, the dream from the night before clinging to her even hours later. “Kara called me,” she says simply as if that offers any information whatsoever. Kara hasn’t texted Lena all day, no heart emojis or eggplant emojis or pictures of puppies from the air as she swoops past. “She said it’s a doubting day.” Alex shrugs, steps forward and drops the takeout on Lena’s desk. 

Lena doesn’t move. “A what, I beg your pardon.” 

Alex is back at ease, eyeing the food now. “Eat. Those are my orders.”

“Your orders?” 

“I’ve been sent with lunch because otherwise you’ll forget, and honestly, Luthor, my sister and I love you too much for you to forget nourishment. Her favorite things are you, food, and flying, in that order, so eat up. She’ll kill me if I come back having failed my mission.” 

It’s more words than Alex has ever directed Lena’s way in one go, and she’s still trying to process everything when Alex brushes past her again, this time opening the bag and beginning to lay out the food on Lena’s desk. Lena is quite certain Alex had said she’d loved her, but that can’t possibly be right and she knows that Kara’s favorite things are her family, food, and flying, in that order, so nearly everything Alex has just said has been wrong, and Lena isn’t sure how to go about correcting any of it. 

“Luthor, listen to me,” Alex is firm, and she waits until Lena’s looked up, her forehead creased, her body turned just slightly towards the other woman. “I know these days can be hard--I mean extra hard, but I’ve brought you lunch, and for the next,” she checks her watch, “thirteen minutes, all you have to do is eat. Jess is going to hold your calls.”

“Jess is going to-“ she chokes, stops. “Days like today?” She tries again, but Alex stares from her to the food and back, obviously waiting. 

She steps around the agent and back to her chair, sinking into it, before picking up the fork. There is still a thin trail of steam rising from the stir fry. Once she’s taken a single bite, and Alex has nodded and taken three steps back, she tries again, “Days like today?” 

Alex smiles at her, almost gently, and Lena’s stomach flips like it had that morning, walking out on Kara without a kiss goodbye. “Luthor, it’s okay that you’re busy, that you can’t make it to the ceremony,” and Lena doesn’t know how they’ve circled back to this, but she feels strangely vindicated: of course this is why Alex has come. They’re angry, all of them, but that’s ridiculous, it won’t even matter that Lena isn’t there. She’s hardly one of Maggie’s close friends. In the end, they’ll be so much more relaxed without her there, without having to worry about the other detectives’ reactions, anyone who might have known Lex or Lillian, lost someone because of Lena’s relatives. There are so many people on the force who have lost someone because of Lena’s family. This is easier. Of course. But Alex is here and she and Kara are angry and disappointed and- 

“Lena,” Alex has her hand on Lena’s wrist, gently, just two fingers, and Lena’s thoughts freeze, her entire body on alert. “Lena,” Alex repeats, and she isn’t sure if it’s the light pressure or the fact that Alex Danvers has used her first name twice in the last ten seconds, but Lena feels herself relax, sink back into her chair, drop the fork so it clatters on the glass desktop. “Maggie is sad you won’t be there, but she’s already planning a photo op for the two of you with the ridiculous medal they’re giving her. I mean honestly,” Alex is speaking slowly, quietly, as though afraid Lena will spook, “all she did was help take down one of the biggest crime families in National City. What was she expecting? A freaking parade?” She scoffs, but her eyes are gentle, light. “That woman,” Alex shakes her head, her fingers still resting on Lena’s wrist, and Lena can feel herself relax further, lulled by Alex’s words. “That woman, she’d offer to carry your groceries and then expect full compensation.”

“She wouldn’t,” Lena interjects, having found her voice, her thoughts far behind her. “Maggie would never.”

“You’re right,” Alex agrees, and she sounds suddenly so fond Lena’s whole heart aches for her. “She’s too good.”

“Yes,” Lena agrees, because she might not be one of Maggie’s closest friends, but she respects her more than she can name. Alex grins.

“Lena?” Alex taps her wrist before pulling away. 

Lena looks up at the agent standing across the desk from her. 

“It’s okay that you won’t be there. Maggie isn’t upset with you, and neither is Kara. We all know you have to work.” 

She feels as though she should be angry, as though Alex is giving her permission that she doesn’t even need, but instead, she lets out a breath with a whoosh, suddenly shy and unable to meet Alex’s gaze. Alex is looking at her like she looks at Kara sometimes over the rim of a wine glass at game nights: fond, exasperated, steady. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I really wish I could be there.” She twists her hands together, unsure how to explain. 

Alex smirks. “Just get ready for that photo shoot tomorrow night. Maggie’s never going to let you live it down.” She checks her watch again, “Nine minutes, Luthor. Eat up.” 

She’s turning away, and Lena is confused, calm and breathing easy, but confused. “Alex, I-“

Alex is at the door, halfway open, and it feels like this morning, with Kara, except not at all the same. “I’ll let Kara know I completed my orders, Luthor,” her tone is gruff again, but her eyes are soft still. “Don’t let me down.” 

Lena shakes her head, whispers, “I won’t.” 

Alex smiles, full and open, “See you tomorrow, Luthor. Love you.” And she’s gone. 

Lena picks at her food, finishes half, and spends eight and a half minutes in total silence, headache gone, eyes squinted as she tries to understand the Danvers, Maggie Sawyer, “you, food, and flying,” “doubting days,” goodness. 

//

By nine pm, her headache is back in full force. There’d been an issue with the final contract for the merger with Vicon, several board members having second thoughts, a tense standoff with the scientist in charge of her defense division, and still no texts from Kara, despite the lunch. Jess is still out at her desk, and if Lena knew it wouldn’t be pointless, she’d order the young woman home, but she’d tried at seven, and again at eight and Jess had simply nodded her head and continued typing, as though Lena weren’t her boss with full firing rights and the ability to destroy her career with the click of a button. 

Lena turns off her laptop, and slides her iPad into the bag at her feet. She checks her phone once more, looking again at Maggie’s photo from earlier - grinning ear to ear and pointing like a total nerd at the new medal pinned to her dress blues, Alex behind her grinning her fool head off, too. “Miss you, little Luthor,” the text reads. “See you tomorrow!” 

When she’d first gotten it, she’d smiled, the memory of Alex’s gentleness earlier, her quiet, easy acceptance warming her, but now she sighs and turns off the screen, guilt worming its way back in. It’s dark and lonely, the city lights stretched out behind her, and somewhere out there Kara is probably at home, waiting for her, upset that Lena hasn’t called once, annoyed that she’s had to apologize, again, for Lena’s absence, upset enough to send her sister with lunch instead of coming on her own. She has to go home, though. If she waits much longer, it’ll be too late for her to return for the night, and she hasn’t had to sleep at the office in months; she isn’t sure she could handle it. Not anymore, not after a year and a half of nights spent cocooned in Kara’s warmth, waking up to her burning brightness, her brilliance. 

“Jess,” she calls, fingers rubbing at her left temple. “Jess!” 

“Yes, Ms. Luthor,” Jess pokes her head in, frowns at the darkness, but doesn’t turn on a light. 

“I’m going home,” she announces, standing up quickly. 

Jess nods. 

“And so are you.”

“Of course, Ms. Luthor.” 

They take the elevator together, and Lena forces herself to keep still, despite the anxiety rolling through her at the thought of going home to an upset Kara. She could have moved those meetings around. She could have said, “I love you,” as she left this morning, taken a breath, not been so utterly consumed with her own work, selfish and unseeing, just like - 

“Goodnight, Ms. Luthor,” Jess murmurs as the elevators dings on the ground floor, and they step out together. “Henry is waiting for you just outside.” 

Lena nods, “Thank you, Jess. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Ms. Luthor,” Jess says as they exit through the lobby.

“Hmm?” Lena can see Henry waiting at the back door of the car, and she feels a stab of guilt at such a late departure time. It means he’s had to work late as well. 

“The Vicon deal,” Jess pauses, and Lena glances at her, unsure. “You’ve done excellent work there, Ms. Luthor.” Jess smiles at her, and is gone, out the door and off for home. 

“Jess!” She manages, nearly running to catch her, because she doesn’t deserve it, not any of it, Jess’ loyalty or Alex’s quiet acceptance. “Come in late tomorrow.” It’s not a question, but Jess nods as though she’s acquiescing, and Lena is thankful, so very thankful. 

“I’ll see you at eight, Ms. Luthor.” She doesn’t smirk, but her step is light as she turns away. 

Lena slides into the backseat, thanks Henry, and then sits tightly, head pounding, hands in her lap as the city lights flash past.

//

Only the light above the stove is on when she gets home, and she knows Kara must be in bed, that they won’t get the chance to talk about it, any of it, tonight. She’s almost grateful as she slips off her heels at the door, sets her bag down gently, and heads over to the sink for a glass of water. What could she say? How could she explain when she couldn’t even find the words this morning? 

The darkness that blankets the rest of the apartment feels stifling suddenly, and she’s not sure she can bear to go into their bedroom, change into her pajamas and roll into bed where Kara will surely wrap her up in her warmth, in her soft sleepiness, will surely kiss her gently, hold her so close, close enough that Lena is never sure where she ends and Kara begins. She’s certain she cannot bear it, the dream from last night present once again with the darkness, the stillness of the night. 

There are three cans soaking on the side of the sink from their dinner last night; Kara had made lasagna and she apparently hadn’t gotten around to rinsing them out and tossing them in the recycling. Lena grabs the first, dumps the milky water out and picks up the sponge, determined to muffle the screams from the night before that are reverberating in her skull. 

Kara, burning, her face twisted in pain and fear, eyes blazing. Lex and Lillian, their hands stifling on her shoulders, mouths gaping black holes as they laughed and laughed and laughed. Lena’s own body frozen in place, forced to watch as her family destroyed the purest form of light she’s ever known. 

Lena’s eyes are misty, and she blinks furiously to dislodge the tears, her hands soapy and the can slippery in her fingers. She forces down the ache in her throat, swallows and swallows until she can barely breathe. 

She can feel it again: the complete incapacitation of watching her world go up in flames and being unable to help put out the fire. For years she felt that way, jumping from one tiny fire to the next with Lex and Lillian, but unable to fully smother the rage they carried. And in her dream last night, she was the one full of rage, at them, at herself for having walked into such a trap, at Kara for leading her there, forcing her to feel so deeply, forcing her to care-

“Fuck,” she mumbles as the sponge slips and she bumps her arm against the lid of the can, its rippled edge cutting cleanly into her pale skin and leaving behind a long line of red. “Fuck!” She drops the can; it clangs against the sink, and her arm is stinging. She spins, reaching for the dish towel hanging on the stove, but before she can grab it, the tears are running down her cheeks, and Kara is there. Kara, sleep-soft and warm, smelling of cinnamon and pine trees. Kara is there, with the dish towel, pressing firmly on the cut before placing the gentlest of kisses on Lena’s temple. And Lena’s arm is burning, her throat full, and she can barely breathe through her tears, barely make out Kara’s whispered, “You’re alright, sweets. I’ve got you.” 

“Fuck,” she manages again, before leaning into Kara, straight and solid and there. Finally there. 

Kara accepts her easily, still holding pressure on her arm, and Lena thinks she is frowning, as her lips come to her forehead this time, the corner of her mouth. “Breathe with me,” she orders, and Lena helplessly tries to obey. “Breathe with me, Lena,” Kara repeats, her chest rising and falling slowly. 

Lena is gasping, trying to slow her breathing, but unable to take in any air, and she can’t see through her tears, and she can’t breath and--

“Breathe, Lena. I’m here.” Kara is so gentle with her as she shifts her hold, one hand coming to rest on Lena’s chest, the other soft on her arm, and Kara’s forehead is on hers, her whispers a tickle against her lips. “Breathe.” 

“I should - I should have - I couldn’t -” she cannot finish a single sentence, desperate and burning. Kara is burning too, behind her closed eyelids and Lex’s laughter echoes in her skull.

“Breathe.” Kara sounds so far away, right in front of her, but gone, going. 

It takes minutes, maybe, but it feels like hours, before she has managed to regulate her breathing to match Kara’s - in….out….in….out - five seconds between each, her lungs filling, a stutter, and releasing again. Her body feels fifty pounds heavier, and she cannot hold her head up, letting it fall forward onto Kara’s unwavering shoulder. In….out….in….out. “Breathe, Lena,” Kara orders, softly. Sweetly. “Breathe.”

She’s managed to stop crying as well, and now her eyes feel dry, the salt tracks drying on her skin stretching, pulling. Kara’s hand is still on her chest, her fingers spread, but the touch so soft Lena can barely feel it through her shirt. Kara pulls the towel away from Lena’s arm to check on the cut, and it has slowed to a trickle. She replaces her hold while Lena looks away, light-headed at the sight of her own blood stark against her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, shattering the stillness. 

Kara waits patiently. There’s more; there’s always more. 

“Last night, I-” Lena has never shared the dreams before, but she needs to explain, to apologize for her behavior that morning, her absence this afternoon. If only Kara would understand. “I,” Lena’s voice is muffled in Kara’s pajama top, but she still cannot pick her head up. “I dreamed about you. About Lex,” she shudders, and Kara’s hand leaves her chest to wrap around her waist and pull her impossibly close. 

“It’s okay,” Kara’s voice is quiet, careful not to puncture the night more than she has to. “It’s okay to miss him…”

But Lena is shaking her head. Sometimes she misses Lex, she does. She misses her older brother, his brilliance, his charisma, his caring hand on her shoulder in the mornings before they both set off for school, his one-off texts checking in when they were apart. But this is not one of those times. Not right now. “He and Lillian, they had you. They had you and I couldn’t stop them.” Tears burn behind her eyelids and she grits her teeth, determined to keep them at bay. “I could never stop them. I could only...”

A pause. “Only what, Lena?”

“Only watch. I was always watching them. Always trying not to be like them and failing. Always a Luthor.” 

She can practically hear Kara’s brain whirring, deciding on the best course of action, the best response. Lena can tell when Kara comes to a decision because her hand tightens on her arm, and she presses a gentle kiss to Lena’s cheek. They’re still standing in the kitchen, the light from above the stove warm against Kara’s shining face when Lena works up the courage to look at her. Kara isn’t smiling at her, but her face is open, easy. 

“You are a Luthor, Lena,” she says, and Lena stiffens, ready to pull back, pull away, curl into herself. “You are brave,” Kara bites her lip, her eyes glancing across Lena’s face, searching. “You are dedicated. That Vicon deal-” Kara shakes her head and lets out a quiet laugh. “You’ve put more hours into that deal than I can fully comprehend.”

Lena is unsure what to make of this, unsure how to respond, so she sticks with honesty, “People are going to get hurt over this deal. People always do.”

Kara shakes her head again, urgent this time, firm. “No. People would have been hurt when the company went bankrupt; you’ve explained it to me before. Mergers always have some negative effects, but L Corp has more resources, more financial capabilities. You’ll be able to stop the company from bleeding out, save as many jobs as possible, and reroute some others into other subsidiaries.” Kara is throwing out words she’s heard Lena use more than once during office lunches and corporate calls, but Lena feels a thrill run through her at what she knows to be the truth. “So, you are a Luthor,” Kara has circled back, and Lena still tries not to shudder. “Brave, dedicated, determined. Brilliant. You are so brilliant, Lena. You shine so very brightly.” 

Lena can’t move away now, drawn in by Kara’s words spinning through the air, sweeping away the false memory of her on fire, of Lex’s harsh laughter. Luthor has always been synonymous with pain, but she can hear longing in Kara’s tone, a desire to close the final distance between them, to offer only love. 

“You are all of the good things the Luthor name carries,” Kara murmurs. “All of the very best things. You have made it that: brilliant, focused.” A pause, as though she’s waiting for Lena to argue. “Good. Even when it’s hard, even when you fail.” 

“But, Maggie - I chose work over her. I let her down. I let you down!” 

The towel falls to the floor with a gentle splat, and she is in Kara’s arms, enveloped and safe. “You had to see this deal through,” Kara mumbles into her hair, and it is confirmation Lena didn’t know she needed, didn’t know she was missing. “Maggie is excited to show off in front of you tomorrow. She loves you.” 

Lena feels a shudder run down her spine and her breath catches once again in her throat. 

“I love you,” it is not a confession, not like it was that first time months ago curled in Lena’s bed after a terrible day of fighting a human hopped up on power. It is not a plea like it was in Lena’s dream last night, torn from her lips out of desperation. It is a pure statement of fact, whispered and sure. “I love you.”

Lena melts, her own arms coming up, her head against Kara’s chest, listening to the thump of her heart through her flannel pajamas, past her sun-kissed skin, her bones in their unbreakable glory, the muscle fierce and unyielding in her chest. It should not be this easy, she thinks, forgiveness should not be so freely given. Not to her. But it hasn’t been easy, not really. It had been months of false starts, of fear and uncertainty, of desire and longing wrapped together with self-loathing and doubt. Ah.

“Doubting days,” she says, and Kara’s eyes meet hers, bright. “Alex called it that: a doubting day.” 

Kara shrugs, her normal, humble self shining through. “Sometimes you forget.”

“I forget?” 

“What family is. What it feels like. Who you are.”

“I never forget who I am, Kara,” and she doesn’t mean to be so sharp, but the words come flying out before she can stop them. 

“You do,” Kara argues carefully, quick to add, “And that’s okay! Everybody forgets sometimes.”

Lena can’t help glancing at Kara’s chest where the crest of the House of El so often sits, a beacon, a reminder. 

“You are brilliant, Lena Luthor. You are brilliant and beautiful, and you work so hard for others. And you have a family. I am your family. And Alex, Maggie. Winn, obviously. James when he’s not off being an idiot trying to get himself killed. J’onn. You have a family, Lena, and we love you. I love you.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“You’re right,” Kara grins tightly. “You’re right; it isn’t simple at all. It’s hard and sometimes it hurts like hell, and we all have to work at it every single day. We all forget sometimes that we’ve got family. It’s really freaking hard, but we all keep trying anyway.” 

“Doubting days,” Lena rolls the words around her tongue, her eyes meeting Kara’s in the low light, the safety of their shared kitchen. “You burned in my dream. You were burning and I couldn’t protect you.”

Kara nods. “Okay.” She smells like cinnamon, like the forest, like home. Acceptance and heartbreak, loneliness, and family. 

Lena closes her eyes, takes a deep breath through her nose. “Maggie’s going to wear that stupid medal to every family dinner for the next month isn’t she,” and it is not _'okay,'_ but it is an _‘alright,'_ an _‘i understand,’ ‘i’m sorry.’_

“I’m pretty sure she’s going to make you wear it,” Kara is teasing. “She said you’re the reason she was able to track their financial activity in the end; something about that computer program you and Winn developed…”

Lena scoffs, and Kara kisses her. Her lips slightly chapped, her hand on Lena’s hip warm and right. Lena kisses back fervently, sure. 

“Come to bed with me, Lena Luthor,” Kara asks. 

Lena is terrified of the dreams, terrified nearly every single time she opens her mouth that what comes out will be the last straw, the thing to drive Kara away, but she isn’t terrified now, not at this moment in her kitchen with the taste of Kara on her tongue, and the sound of her own heartbeat loud in her ears. “Yes,” she says. “Of course.” 

Brilliant and focused and _trying_.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. This is my first Supercorp fic, and I'm just trying to figure out how emotions work, okay?


End file.
